But...some of my best friends...

I, like the rest of the liberal world, tend to roll my eyes when a person reputed to be an antisemite claims that some of his best friends are Jewish or a supposed racist pulls his black friend to the forefront to quash those accusations. It's perfectly possible, we agree, to have bigoted ideas and still be able to spend time with the people with whom one would associate those ideas. Cognitive dissonance plays a huge role in a culture full of people who scream about how this country was founded on religious freedom one minute and protest the building of a mosque the next, who abhor sloth and find it difficult to get out of bed, and I'm inclined be among those people who thinks they can have their cake and eat it too, hold onto old values and still consider myself to be liberally inclined. Sometimes I get angry that so much of the world, or at least the country, disagrees with me.

I keep hearing from everywhere I turn about how this is the most divided America has been in so many years. I wonder if it was this divided right after the ratification of the Constitution or right before the first state seceded, but I have to admit, things seem pretty nasty. In social politics, certainly, it's become a time to pick sides on many issues. One such issue is same-sex marriage, which the left likes to call "equality" and the right likes to call "an abomination that will send our country spiralling straight into hell. Like many other hot-button issues, one's position on this one is taken as an implication of greater matters. Thus, the assumption arises that because I'm not in favor of same-sex marriage, I am in favor of bigotry, discrimination and abuse, while I'm against tolerance, equality and love. The fact that I am disagree with a position that would be advantageous to a particular group somehow dictates how I feel toward that particular group, namely, that I hate them. I find this particularly problematic on the issue of same-sex marriage because, as the title suggests, my very best friend is gay. In fact, a lot of dear friends of mine happen to be gay (It's kind of hard to avoid them in musical theatre) and, not surprisingly, on the other side of this issue. I know that they want to get married to the spouses of their choosing, have that marriage validated from state to state, and not have to worry about ambiguity in matters of custody or inheritance just because their relationships don't fit under the convenient legal umbrella of marriage. I know that not having marriage as an option for their convenience is a disadvantage to them and I still put myself on the other side of the line. Do I not understand what's at stake? Have I been too much brainwashed by conservative upbringing? Or have I just decieved myself in assuming that I feel genuine regard for them?

I have a friend who's obviously a conservative republican, which I only know based on her facebook posts. I haven't discussed her political leanings with her largely because I'm not sure if our friendship would survive it unscathed. How, I wonder, can the person who went out of her way to take me home for months before she even knew me and never asked for anything in return be the same person who thinks that programs geared at helping the poor enslave them? How can I find myself having so much fun with a person who spews venom at the democratic party and champions measures that effectively disenfranchise people like me? Maybe we have no business being friends. On the other hand, maybe our ability to be friends despite our differences offers hope that society doesn't have to mark its history based on division. I came close to fighting with my sister over who deserved favor on a tv show. I considered my pick (the one most like me) to be the obvious victor and the other girl to be a shameless appeal to a lesser audience. My sister considered my pick to be overrated and the other girl to be more generally appealing. Does it follow that my sister is lesser than I, or that she's somehow unable to appreciate me based on the fact that I have qualities in common with the character she doesn't like? Perhaps. Perhaps it demonstrates that our relationship transcends the qualities that she finds so irritating that are to be found in both my character and me. When Kirk Cameron appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight, every gay and gay sympathizer I knew was up in arms over what they took to be malicious remarks and commented on the bigotry of statements to which I could largely relate? Do these friends see me as a bigot? I doubt it.

In the recent times, people have found the freedom to be honest, and therefore reveal the vast difference of opinion from one person to the other. Traditions vary, sentiments, perspective. Like the ever-expanding universe, the variety of positions has multiplied to the point that it's impossible to agree with them all. I find it equally impossible to hate all those that oppose me. There are deal breakers and there are trifles and there are the matters in between that don't have to be one or the other. I often find myself attatched to those whose charts don't entirely match up with mine. Betimes I'm annoyed by, angry with, or disappointed in my bestie or my sister or my conservative republican friend, but that doesn't diminish my affection or my appreciation for them. Isn't that what friendship is? Understanding that the qualities I find problematic aren't as big as the qualities that I find endearing? Isn't tolerance embracing the truth that how often another person is at odds with you has no bearing on the humanity of that person?

This is, I admit, partially a personal appeal to escape the labels I find so abhorrant. However, I seek to escape them because they don't fit me. There is so much more to this life than "us" and "them","allies" and "enemies". The world is characterized as much by its in-betweens as it is by its absolutes. I like to consider myself the former.