It's Not That You're Not Good Enough

. It's frustrating to find that, despite my having what I believe to be justifiable reasons for thinking the way I do, there are people unwilling to allow that my perspective may be viable. Sometimes I don't feel good. Telling me I don't have a good reason to feel that way isn't going to make me feel any better. Expressing how I feel without being shot down does. So here goes.

I recently recieved an invite via facebook to attend the upcoming production of Into the Woods, the same production that I had been so looking forward to being a part of and was not able to because...well, because they didn't choose me. It really just boils down to that. It wasn't that I didn't have the time or couldn't get there or had any conflicts with the production schedule. Those might have been obstacles, but not deal breakers. The only thing that ultimately kept me from being in the show was that the production team decided not to put me in the show. I accept this. I acknowledge this and understand that to be the nature of the beast with whom I've fallen in love...None of that makes it any less hurtful though.

The fact is, there's no composer who identifies whatever aspect of the human experience he deigns to comment on through his lyrics the way that Stephen Sondheim does. (In my perfect universe, he's my grandpa and I call him Papa) Among his works (that I know so far), there's no show that resonates with me as strongly as Into the Woods and, though I know this is only one show and one company and one cast with a specific balance, I can't ignore the implication that this is not a show in which I would be invited to take part. I was first taught about casting that "there are two reasons you don't get cast in a role: you're not good enough or you don't fit the requirements for the role you're trying for". Let's say, to protect my ego, that I wasn't looked over because I wasn't good enough. Do I not "fit" the requirements for a part in this show? Could I not conceivably play a petulant child who placed too much trust in strangers? Do I not sound like I would be in a position to sing "I Know Things Now"? Am I too old? Too young? Too serious? Not to be taken seriously? Is there something about me entirely beyond my control that kept me from being deemed worthy of this journey? The possibility that I wasn't looked over based on the notion that I wasn't good enough, it turns out, isn't good enough to appease me.